OUTDOOR SOLO DATE: Why | Dos | Don’ts | What to expect

I recently started living on my own (an experience I’ll write about in a next blog), so I have been spending time with myself more than I’ve ever done in my lifetime. And while some may think it’s scary or lonely, (I mean sometimes it can be, cause I’m terribly afraid of frogs lol) it is so very refreshing, liberating and peaceful AF!

I LOVE IT HERE!

But being on my own, and working from home, I’ve been seeing the same scenery 24/7 so I decided to get up, get cute, take myself out and share with you what I learned from the experience.

See my video experience here.

Five reasons to take yourself out

Before moving on my own, I would frequently go out by myself to get alone time just to clear my head. I’d go to the movies, a bar to get a drink, Regent Street to window shop lol, or just take a walk on the seawall and inhale the fresh air. And in doing that, it made me crave alone time, made me obsessed with getting myself to the point where I can be on my own to savour the experience of being in my own company as much as I want to.

While there are many ways and places to spend alone time, this blog is dedicated to alone time outdoors. It’s really a different experience taking yourself out to a public place like a restaurant as opposed to a spa day, or burying your head in a good book at the gardens, or any place where there are not many people.

• It helps you to be comfortable with yourself / Improves connection with self

I’d like to believe I’m socially awkward. I’m self-conscious and I overthink, that I may not fit in well wherever I am or whoever I’m with. I’m always looking around, hoping no one is watching. (I don’t like when people stare). And I believe that is all because I’m probably not 100% comfortable with myself.

But being out in public by myself, subjecting myself to all the weird conclusions people will draw from seeing me alone, all the advances that will most likely be made, and just blocking all that out, getting lost in my own thoughts, staying focused on indulging in my own company and whatever pleasures I choose, allows me to better connect with who I am, and how I am, and be comfortable with that.

People go on dates to form and improve their connections with others. Learn and understand them, then choose whether or not they want that person a part of their lives long term. Going on dates with yourself, should serve that same purpose, and it’ll certainly improve your date experiences with others because you have chosen who you want to be, and you can be that person, unapologetically because you are comfortable with who you are.

• You learn to make your own choices / becoming more assertive

Going out by yourself, you do not have to take anyone else into consideration, but yourself. You choose where you want to go, how you want to look, what you want to eat and drink, what you want to think about, how you want to feel.

• You get to dress for you

I put this as a reason by itself because when going out with other people, we tend to ask “what’s the dress code?” or “what are you wearing?” because we fear being underdressed or overdressed than the person(s) we are going with. And that can sometimes be stressful if you do not have anything that fits well with them. You sometimes even end up wearing something that you’re not quite comfortable in, all in the name of matching the ‘fly’.

You also think (especially if it’s with a guy), what he would find attractive. Even if it’s something you don’t like.

But you’re going out alone? Your ‘fly’ is your ‘fly’. You get to wear whatever you like. Whatever makes you comfortable, and don’t have to worry about how you look compared to the other people at the table.

I think I dress weird and I get depressed every time I have to look for clothes. My unique body type makes it so hard for me to find things that look good on me. So I think I’ve grown to get comfortable in the weirdest of clothes, because I doh able lol. So solo dates work well for me cause I don’t have to worry about being asked “wuh d ass you wearing?”

• There’s no awkwardness when ordering or when the bill comes

A guy ever asked you out and you’re afraid to order what you like or want because you don’t know what his pocket is like? Lol and it feels weird to ask a guy what’s his budget so you know how to splurge. It also feels weird to ask him if he wants to split the bill.

I mean those are important things to know, because it will be embarrassing if when the bill comes ya’ll don’t have enough money lol. But it can sometimes be awkward to ask. And in this day and age when the dating culture is shifting without warning, it really isn’t wise to assume certain things. Better be safe than sorry.

Solo dates however, you know your own pocket. You know when you look at the menu, you can see clearly what you can afford. You know when the bill comes, there’s no nervousness about the payment because your order matched what’s in your purse.

• No worries about how you eat

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I punish to eat with knife and fork. loll. I’m country as hell. And being out with people, I be so afraid to eat because I’m not sure I do it the ‘proper’ way. I worry about how the person at the other end of the table would think about how I eat, how I chew, and that nervousness causes me not to enjoy my meal, or eat off all the meat off the bones lmao.

But by myself, I don’t give a shxt. I eat and moan lmfao. And enjoy my meal without worrying about any judgement.

• You gotta love yourself enough to give yourself a treat

Many times we neglect self and make all these sacrifices for others to make them feel good. Your bestfriend had a breakup that’s taking a toll on her, you go out of your way to remind her of her worth. You go out of your way to pamper her, take her out and make her feel loved. Your boyfriend, well, he’s just your boyfriend and you reward him with everything he likes, added with yuh lungs and a kidney.

That same kinda energy should be given to yourself. Love yourself enough to tell yourself “Hey, I think I deserve a bottle of wine to show my appreciation to myself for what I accomplished this week.” Or “I’ve been working all week, lemme take this Saturday night to get cute and take myself to a fine dinner I deserve.” “Hey I deserve some damn pork chops – Grilled Hoisin Glazed from Bistro!”

And just do it. And enjoy it.

There are so many other reasons why you should take yourself out, but for the sake of my fingers and your reading interest, I’ll stop here.

 

Things to consider before be taking yourself on a date 

First off, your safety is a priority. Especially if you’re going on an evening date. 

– Choose a location that has bright lights, in a safe neighbourhood, and some amount of security.

– Be sure to let someone close to you know where you’re going, and let them know when you’re back safe. These are some unpredictable and troubling times, so also ensure that you’re cautious about certain things.

– In being cautious, use a trusted driver or base to ensure you get home safe just in case you had too much to drink or anything.

-Wear something comfortable, and something for protection, just in case.

Stay within your budget

– You have to remember your budget and stick to it. Many people overspend in the name of “selfcare” then get more mentally drained when they end up in a financial hole. We don’t want that to happen. So ensure where you’re going has a menu that is within your spending capacity. And it really is okay if you keep it simple, to save and stay within the budget. Nothing is wrong if you’re not fine dining at the Marriott. The footlong hotdog on the seawall is just as top tier.

What to expect on an outdoor solo date

I can only say for females and based on my experience. Well mine was a bit more amplified because I had a whole camera setup with lights and mic to record for my YouTube Channel so the whole place was looking at me lol.

– Expect that some people may look at you funny, some may even be bold enough to stare at you while talking about you at their table.

– Expect someone to ask if you have problems, and if you’re okay.

– Certainly advances should be in your expectations. Prepare your mind, especially if things like that annoy you, cause it may disrupt your peace.

Certainly you can tell a guy is telling me some nice things here. And when out with yourself, you most times just want peace and guys frequently trying to talk to you can be so very annoying. But I tried not to think about it like that. I said to myself, I put a lot of energy into looking good today and bringing myself here, that must be so attractive. I’m irresistible today. haha. So I politely took the compliments, even though some were explicit.

But it was about me today. So I didn’t let it mess with my zen.

– Expect random guys to insert themselves in your selfies. Lmaoo. At Bistro, this random guy with a foreign accent saw me taking selfies (my phone was on the ring light, so it was very noticeable) and he just came over and inserted himself in my photos. He didn’t even tell me who he is or anything lol but I guess that’s what happens when a guy sees a beautiful girl alone.

– Keep in mind that guys may send drinks to your table. Some guys when they see a girl by herself, they take that as an open invitation to approach. But be careful with that because some guys may have expectations after the free drinks.

– You may run in to people you haven’t seen in a long time, and because you’re alone, they will feel more open to come to you, as opposed to if you were with someone. That person may or may not be someone you want to see. But focus on the goal of the date, and don’t get distracted. In my case, I saw an old schoolmate of mine, who because I was alone, he felt comfortable to do more than just wave at me. He came over and talked and we took a selfie that I’ll forever have as a memory.

– Expect to feel a bit self conscious at first, but know that it is okay to block out your surroundings and connect with the inner you. In blocking out your surroundings however, for your safety, still be aware of what’s happening around you because you just never know. Keep your eye out for suspicious characters, but don’t give it too much thought, as that may scare you and take away from an enjoyable experience.

Try it! And come back and let me know how your experience was.