I hope the last two weeks of ‘when last’ have made you rethink some moves in your relationships. I had the pleasure of touching on both the ‘when last’ male and female editions.
Today, I want to talk about the ‘when last’ couples’ edition. People in relationships tend to forget ‘when last’ they did something together and continue going through their lives – together- doing the same thing over and over. That is madness! Routines eventually become boring and make people lose interest.
Don’t stop doing what you did to get to where you are. There are a number of little things that add up to making your relationship what it is from what you were doing in the beginning. Those random calls and texts, lunch or dinner drop-offs all played their part in forming the connection you now have as a couple. This is not solely dependent on one party.
We do not even realise that when in a relationship and it turns to living together, marriage or co-parenting – but still together, we change. Many times, we simply blame life. Some of the most common excuses are, we’ve grown, we’re older, cost of living is higher, our goals have changed, etcetera. At least, those used to be mine.
Let’s strategise. Peep this.
Imagine that you met this man or this woman. Start messaging, calling, visiting. Moved onto lunch or dinner dates. Fast-forward a year. Things have progressed, it’s a full blown committed relationship. Another year has passed, living together but don’t know when was the last time you went on a date together. You can’t recall the last time you had an away from each other for a couple hours that made you call or text. Another year of this, y’all have a child and are either married or living together. Now, both of you are busy being mommy and daddy. What happens to the actual relationship?
Our biggest mistake as parents is to ONLY be mommy and daddy. How did we even get to this point? I mean, it’s not unusual for all of the aforementioned events to be skipped and we just happen to have talked for a while, got caught up and had a child, then tried to make a relationship work. It still goes right back to just being ‘mommy and daddy.’
What do you think happens when your partner starts feeling like they’re less desirous since this child came into the picture? How do you think your partner feels when the attention that was there before has dwindled to 0%? Think about yourself in their shoes, when you aren’t getting their attention, affection and love like you did before you both had your child. Remember the days and events that led up to this beautiful gift.
Furthermore, loss of the attention, affection and love, tend to push you and your partner apart and can eventually start to cause unnecessary issues. All from a feeling of neglect and lack of affection, attention and love.
Think about the sacrifices you’ve both made to get to where you are today, with your child. Let the arrival of this addition to your family be the reason you both cherish each other. Let it be the fuel to the flames of your relationship. Think about what can happen when you feel at a loss.
These elements lead to cheating spouses, unhappy relationships, self-esteem and self-confidence issues, etcetera.
This just means that to avoid all of this, you need to find time for each other.
Now, y’all know what I always say – “What is for you, will always be for you.”
Until next week, bye hunnies!
XOXO,
K