Since y’all were ill-prepared for the badness at a “Baderation” concert, I thought it wise to help you to be adequately prepared for a “Stink x Dutty” Jouvert.
It’s been a while since Guyanese had a jouvert experience, so the protocol may be a distant memory.
Get ready to get dutty
First and foremost, take the title of the jouvert very literally! STINK X DUTTY! You either go there looking stink, or prepare to get stink at the venue. You cannot wear your very best and then get upset when water, powder, stainers, beers, rum, and whatever else people use (remember the chocolate jouvert?), start throwing up in the air, or even directly at you.
No expensive wigs and makeup
If yuh lace cannot get destroyed, don’t wear the wig sis. And if you need to wear makeup, make sure it’s waterproof. If it isn’t, expect to be memed if somebody snaps you with yuh eyebrows running, yuh eyelashes hanging and yuh lace front ‘liff’ up. Or if yuh get a setta brown streaks running down yuh face. ???? But why wear makeup? Nobody ain’t watching face. What Kiki August said? It’s nice to be what?? Alright then.
Leave yuh Boujeeness at home
You cannot be stush at a jouvert. At least not in Guyana. You cannot skin up yuh face when people jam yuh or mash yuh toe (as a matter of fact, wear a pair of boots and protect yuh toes). Nobody ain’t going to a jouvert to be careful how they move and jump and dance. People go there very carefree to enjoy themselves.
Leave your valuables at home.
Why walk with your purse or wallet with your bank cards, your ID card and a setta money? Why walk with a purse or wallet at all? All you need is transportation to and fro. The jouvert ticket covers your drinks. It’s free beers all night. You don’t need cash. If you don’t drink beers, get drunk at home, then go to the National Park and dance it off.
Secure your phones
I can’t advise not to walk with your phones cause the reality is, we gan wan tek selfies and videos to save as memories of the experience. But just ensure that it is secured. Use the fancy plastic case, secured with the strings, one around your neck, and the other around your wrist so it will not be easily ‘snatchable’.
Oil your waistline
If ya ain’t gonna be pelting waist, or collecting backball, yuh might as well stay home. Don’t go to the National Park tonight if you just plan on bopping yuh head, looking cute and taking selfies. WHO DOESS THATTT? You better bend like Ben 10 ???????????? #YungBredda
Don’t watch face
While some people may wear makeup to look lil decent, some wouldn’t give a damn. So you can’t really watch face. The truth is, the girl or boy ain’t really bad looking but they couldn’t really show you that, cause it’s a jouvert. So be comforted with the sweet wine, and remember that everything that happens at a jouvert, stays at a jouvert.
Leave your feelings at home.
A stranger might hold on to yuh gyul, or brace yuh man in a corner. Don’t plug out on them. Try to be as civil as possible and seh “Soulja man, this is me own”. But try your very best to hold on on people that you sure you could hold on on.
Jouvert cuts across religious persuasions
Don’t feel no way if you see your pastor or church minister. Jesus was a Feter. Check your Bible.
The Government is innocent
Lastly, if things get outta order, for Christ’s sake, leave the Government out of it. Is nah Jagdeo fault.