Hello Hunnies!
I hope you enjoyed the little laughter I sent your way two weeks ago about my love-hate relationship with Dr. Google. I was MIA last week due to some unforeseen difficulties with the internal team, but this week I’m back!! And I want to talk about a topic that is a very sore subject for many people and may step on a few toes…
‘Body-shaming’. Both men and women suffer from this. Not many people know or understand the term, so let me clear that up before we delve into discussing it.
Body-shaming, according to the Oxford dictionary “is the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size; or expressing mockery or criticism about a person’s body shape or size.” The Holy Bible spoke about us being made in our own image and likeness and as such, we cannot all look the same. I won’t get all biblical on you, LOL!
K’s feels
Let’s talk about me and how I feel about myself. Subsequent to me speaking on myself, I need you all to reflect on yourself as well. Now, I am and always have been on the plumper side. From childhood to now, I’ve probably swallowed myself thrice, ha ha. I’ve always been the fat friend, fat cousin, fat niece, etc. I’ve spent years being told I should lose weight, my tummy is too high, my boobs are too large, below my ass is dark and so much more. These remarks during adolescence were definitely what I did NOT need to hear, but to each his own.
Initially the remarks made me feel bad about myself. I felt like I did not belong and it messed with my mental. It didn’t dawn on me that I was being ridiculed for my body and my flaws because in all actuality, most of the people speaking about me did not possess my wit, pretty teeth, intelligence, and list goes on, which were positive comments I would receive from other people. Often times, it was the people closest to me who would spew the negativity and as time went on, it made me pull away and keep away from them.
Let’s fast track to when I gave birth to my now thirteen-going-on thirty- year- old daughter. Perfection. That was my first thought. My second thought was oh rant, now the post-partum size is going to step in and the remarks will return. Giving birth to a baby girl was my eye-opener. The effect of the body-shaming on my mental, had to stop. I was not going to subject myself to accepting the BS coming from people, when I now have a baby girl to speak positivity into. The BS had to stop because when my child came into herself, she has to feel like she is ‘that girl’, so I had to look at myself and nip it all in the bud.
How did I ‘nip it in the bud?’
I grasped and held on to all of the positive things about myself. Things that I was actually being told of during adolescent years. I started loving me, for me. I have pretty hair, pretty slanted, but full eyes, many times referred to as ‘doe eyes’. I’m witty and I have a gorgeous smile. These things all went unnoticed at the time because I was so focused on the negativity instead of the positivity.
What helped me to accept myself as I am, was when I would be in different places with different people, and I would hear someone I considered ‘perfect’, complain about acne, not having butt or having too little boobs. Meanwhile, I’m there saying to myself, “Wow, Kesa look at you complaining about all those other things, but have no acne, enough boobs and lil’ bit bamzie.”
Guess what now?
My thirteen-year-old has grown into a complete mini-me. Same plumpness, pretty teeth, smile, wit and intelligence. She is in high school and just recently was ‘body-shamed’ by a boy. She was told that she was fat in every way he could and in everything that he said. This happened in a group chat; a group chat that her ‘friend’ invited her to join, only to be left in the dust when she was being told of her size by someone who has never met her.
Being the mom that I am, I was feeling some type of way for her and wanted to solve it. But, it was unnecessary, because, not my girl, she was ready. She stood her ground and told him she’s aware of her size, but she is also aware that her heart is big and pure, she is intellectually sound and her size does not stop her from dominating in anything she puts her mind to doing. She told him that she is thirteen and works for her money, meanwhile he is on WhatsApp bullying and body-shaming her, when he could be doing something more constructive.
Listen. To. Me. I was shocked! My girl stood tall, she was not in the least bit fazed by his rant.
After the shock wore off, my chest swelled with pride. Pride in myself for the values I had obviously instilled in my teenager in this era of children who cyber-bully and body shame others; and pride in her, for the way she handled it and for grasping everything that I had taught her.
Check me out!
K – 2 babies later, sassy as ever!Now, after two children, you can catch me outside in a crop top, short pants, maxi or form fitting dresses and that pouch right there, front and centre. I have zero cares.
To conclude, I chose this topic because of my original reason for doing this article, ‘advice’. This is my advice to you all – “Accept who you are. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has something on their bodies or about themselves they do not like. It’s not just you. Focus on the brightest side, you’re alive. Be grateful for all of the little things. Embrace you! Love you! Regardless.”
As I always say, “Whatever is for you, will be for you.”
XO XO,
K